When Someone Wants Out


My dear sister texted me yesterday evening telling me to go on skype because she had something to tell me. It sounded rather serious and I assumed she had some serious gossip. But what she told me was far too serious to be called gossip. The second child of my eldest cousin on my mums side had taken his own life a few days ago. He was very bright, depressed for some time and only 21. Considerings his actions prior to his last life-renouncing act he seemed very determined to go. He had arranged insurance for his funeral so all would be paid for and left a detailed script of how he wanted his burial ceremony to be. He has indicated that he wanted to be a donor and he left a lengthy farewell note to his mother, my cousin, explaining to the best of his ability why he wanted to go. He got himself a gun, which is pretty difficult to obtain in Lowlands country if you don’t frequent dodgy circles, which he didn’t, and went to a picturesque location in our home town to depart for where he wanted to go.

Many people during the course of their lives experience sombre times when life seems pretty pointless. You hang on in there because deep down you believe there is away out. Or because you feel you can’t go ’cause you have people depending on you. Or because of your conviction that you won’t end up in a peaceful place when you take your own life.

I can understand that the waters get so murky that all you long for is the deep blue sea. That you actually dive in goes a step further. Dear Robin, I am really sorry you weren’t able to overcome your pain and your unwillingness to live. I’m pretty sure you were aware that you would cause your mother and your brothers and many others immense pain if you were to do what have you have done that night. But despite all that you needed to jump off and get out. I hope you’ve found peace and comfort. That you’ve met your father, who has passed on several years ago and that you are able to ask him all the questions you might have wanted to ask for years. I also hope that you will look after those you’ve left behind. Goodbye Robin and hope that all is well in the Summerland.


About Lemba

Non-conformist Writing Soul and Language Geek from the Lowlands with a South London accent, currently living a nomadic, location- independent lifestyle. While executing the Big Fat Writing Plan I’m invading cyberspace with my views on 'expat living', travel and other lifestyle choices, current affairs and other randomness. Welcome to the Dark Fairy Zone.

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